Sunday, November 27, 2011

I Only Date Latin Guys

I went on a date with a guy four years ago. We’ll call him Randy – not because of his libido but because that is his real name. No protecting the innocent here.

We had what I considered a fantastic time. We talked about a variety of subjects and not ourselves. You know how first dates go being almost like a job interview with the avoidance of subjects like politics, religion and preferred interior design themes. You pretty much spend two hours talking about yourself – a subject I find truly fascinating. The evening ended nicely, and we were going to go out on a second date. However …

Just before the second date, he informed me that his mother had taken ill and he had to take care of her. I told him that it was very important to take care of her and keep me informed. He even texted with medical updates for a day or two. It is amazing what someone will do to his mother to get out of a date.

It should be no surprise that we never did go on a second date. I read the book, He’s Not That Into Me, so I just wrote it off as one good date with no possibility of a relationship. I am also no idiot. Once the sick mother appeared, I knew I wouldn’t see him again.

About a year ago, I had dinner with someone who was friends with him, and I told him about how we never went on a second date or communicated again. And, our mutual friend said, “Oh her. She only dates Latin guys.”


This only dating a certain “type” thing has always fascinated me. I could understand his only dating Latin guys if he were Latin. But, he’s a goddamn blond blue-eyed WASP!

Rita Morena’s character in West Side Story, Anita, sang in “A Boy Like That” about seeking your own kind. That I can understand. If the guy is Latin and only dates Latins, there is nothing wrong with that. You share beliefs, ethnicity, culture, etc. You never have to explain the ingredients in gefilte fish.

There was a time when I only dated Jewish guys, but it is very difficult for two whiny, neurotic men, who are obsessed with pleasing their mothers, while dealing with stomach issues and bad feet to form a lasting relationship. I’m just saying. But, I still date Jewish guys, just not exclusively anymore.

In the Gay world, guys usually date their own kind. Juice heads only date juice heads – that way they can inject each other’s asses with steroids. Twinks date twinks, so that one does not crush the other in bed. A-listers date A-listers, so they don’t have to show each other how all the buttons work in their BMWs. Hairy bears date hairy bears, so they don’t have to feel guilty when they bring home a side of beef from the Safeway. And so on.

What this creates is the “clone culture” where guys are always dating guys who look like themselves. They also only befriend guys who look like themselves. Look at their pics on Facebook. You will notice all the guys look alike, dress alike and act alike. Also, all of A-listers are photographed at parties holding red plastic cups – the ultimate A-list accessory.

The fun part is when one of them starts dating someone else, and you cannot tell the old and new boyfriends apart. You call the new boyfriend by the old boyfriend’s name, and things get a little awkward. If you are like me, you diffuse the situation by saying, “I’m sorry, you look just like Brad and Jon and Chris and … oh who cares? All his old boyfriends look alike, and he goes through them like Kleenex …” By this time, someone is shoving an hors d’oeuvre in my mouth and dragging me away from the situation. Fortunately, I never get embarrassed, nor do I have a filter.

I have never looked like, acted like or dressed like anyone, so I have been spared the curse of clonism. However, this does make being part of a clique impossible, which is fine with me because I have never been one to succumb to the clique culture either. My friends come in all sizes, shapes, colors, ethnicities, etc.

But, this isn’t about me …

A Latin friend of mine was in bed with a guy once, who in the middle of copulation said, “Oh yes! Fuck me with that Puerto Rican dick!” He pulled out immediately, dressed and left.

As he put it, “At that moment I was dehumanized and reduced to my Latin penis.” He was right, not to mention the fact that he is Venezuelan.

What is really weird is when you are the subject of someone’s obsession. My ex, Philip, is bald, and nothing bothered him more than when someone said, “Oh I find bald guys so hot.” I could totally understand this.

My friend Joel once tried to set me up on a date, and the guy said, “I can’t go out with him; he’s too tall.” He had written me off immediately.

That same guy tried to pick me up in the shower at the gym a short time later, and I said, “I can’t play with you; you’re too short.” Of course, I could have kicked myself because he was hung like a … never mind.

I have had guys come up to me and say, “I just love Jewish men. I only date Jewish guys.” These are the ones I avoid completely. They truly creep me out. I expect them to say, “Some of my best friends are Jewish.” Oy vay.

Do the guys who only seek a certain kind, who are not what they are, really think that is a turn on for the object of their desire? Apparently for some it is.

I recently went to a birthday party with two distinct groups in attendance: middle-aged white men and young Asian men. All were partnered up. Being a writer, I just found the situation fascinating and observed the interactions. In this group, all seemed to have found what they were seeking. I didn’t judge, but I thought how limiting life could be if you only seek one thing.

To me, it is like going to a buffet and only eating the beige food.

Now, few people will come right out and say they only date a certain kind to someone who has asked them out, but I have experienced this firsthand. I met a friend of a friend of mine at a party once. We’ll call him Rod, not because he had a certain physical attribute, but because that was his real name.

We chatted it up for quite a while that evening, and I finally said, “Would you like to go out on a date sometime?”

He said, “Oh, I’m sorry, I only date Latin guys.”

He was Polish.

I ran into him years later, and he was still single. I asked, “How is that only dating Latin guys thing working out for you?”

And back to Randy.

Just the other day, out of the blue, I ran into Randy, and he asked me out on a date, saying it has been a long time, and we should catch up. I agreed to it, thinking maybe he got that only daing Latin guy thing out of his system.

The morning of the date, he texted me that his mother was sick and he had to put her in the hospital.

So let me understand this. If we plan another date in the near future, is he finally going to kill his mother?

And people wonder why I am still single.

Regardless of their ethnicity, if you like what you just read, follow me, get on my email list, join me, tell your friends.

1 comment:

  1. You know... I have dated people that my friends have been shocked by. Sometimes because they could not see what the person saw in me(they were considered hot and gorgeous and I'm more average), and sometimes because they could not see why I was attracted to them (they were dog ugly. I have dated/slept young, old, tall short, fat, thin. I mean we all have our type that we prefer, but I can tell when I look into someone's eyes and I can see their soul I am immediately attracted to them. I can so totally see what you are saying and have often thought this same story to myself.